1 week away and I'm starting a blog...

Blogging.  Not going to lie, it's something I've always thought about but never thought it was imperative to do.  In fact, more often than not, I have thought, "Wow, what a waste of time.  Who's really going to read what I have to write?  Don't they have something better to do with their lives?  Cure cancer?  Feed hungry children?  Rescue a dog?"  But I have found over this past year that writing things down has really helped to clear my mind and get me to places and experiences in reality that I had only ever visioned in my mind.  

Let me set the record straight from the beginning.  I, in no way, think that anything I have done in my life is out of the ordinary.  People will tell me, "You're such an inspiration! You inspire me!", and often times I'm trying hard to fight back a look of "What the heck, are you crazy?" off of my face.  Did I lose 100 pounds?  Yes.  But listen, let's be realistic here.  I like that this is my own page and I can say what I want. I only got that fat because I had lead and heart disease.  Too much lead in my ass and not enough heart to do anything about it.  I went through a few years of denial, trying to say it was a thyroid issue or blaming it on the fact that I was taking fertility drugs (Note: the doctors actually say this is why I gained a lot of weight... but I say they're crazy), and not looking at the reality of that I was eating like crap and not exercising.  Losing weight is science people.  Calories in.  Calories out.  I didn't get my stomach stapled, take any magic pills or do any magic wraps.  I got off of my ass and started watching what I ate.  I started eating clean, healthy, getting rid of most processed foods.  I made a choice to change my life. 

I get so frustrated with people who ask me for my help, I spend a ton of my time responding to tell them what I did, give them the basics of what worked for me, then months later they come back crying to me saying, "Oh well this and this and this and this...." blah blah blah blah, excuse after excuse after excuse.  Months and years later they're right where they started, or even worse off.  I'm not judging - everyone in life has the opportunity to make their own choices.  My frustrations come from stupidity.  Doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.  People need to be willing to step out of their comfort zones, try new things, and trust someone other than themselves to get where they want to go.  If you find yourself in a bad situation and you haven't sought out coaching or a mentor, you need to come to the realization that your own advice has not done you well. 

Listen, don't get me wrong.  I want to help people.  That's something I strive for every day of my life.  I want my life to have purpose.  When I die, I want at least one person other than my husband to realize I'm dead and think I made a good mark on this crazy ass world.  I wish I could just quit my job and learn to become a coach, to mentor people, to help them achieve their dreams.  Sometimes I think people just need a smack in the face and a dose of, "Get your head out of your ass, pull your big girl pants up, and get this shit done!" Nothing makes my heart happier than seeing people achieve their dreams.  Their ideas that were once in this imaginary unreachable world, that with hard work and dedication, become reality.  Being a part of that or having the opportunity to witness such a thing... is well... priceless.  There's no monetary value on that.  It's something that cannot be bought.  It is only earned. 

I'm sure people will take things I say on this blog personally, and let me just say that it's never directed at any one person.  If it is, I will call you out.  If I have something to say about you, I'll say it to your face.  There's no success or progress in not being honest with people.  Even if it's uncomfortable, there is strength and knowledge to be gained after the process of working it out.  You have to be willing to take the good with the bad and use the uncomfortable things you don't want to hear as opportunities for personal growth.  I can honestly say with every fiber in my being that had I not decided to hire a coach and become a part of a team, I never would have found myself one week away from crossing off #1 on my bucket list.  Running a full marathon.  I didn't hire a coach to have him say, "Oh you're awesome! Good Luck! Blah blah blah blah...." I hired a coach to tell me, "You're thinking is not right.  You're down a rabbit hole.  Get out.  Get out of your head.  I won't go there with you.  You need to change your form to become more efficient.  You need to look at things a different way...." The list goes on and on and on.  I needed someone to tell me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear.  Did I struggle and get angry?  Hell yea I did.  I remember once I almost put my fist through a wall in anger at him because I was down a deep rabbit hole and he just stop responding to me.  Not responding - that is a hot button for me.  But it pushed me outside my comfort zone.  Outside this little bubble I've created.  It brought to light a lot of crap that I was allowing to weigh to me down.  And I learned that some of my hot buttons were not valid in real life outside of my own. 

This past 19 weeks has been filled with happiness, sadness, fist pumps, tears, fear, anger, and doubt in myself and my coach.  When you start training for a marathon, you kind of know "on paper" what the physical training will be like.  But no one, and I stress no one, can ever prepare you for the emotional journey... no wait, battle... you're about to embark on.  

In one week #1. Gets. Done.  It seems so surreal.  I still don't understand it.  I mean, who ever crosses #1 off on their bucket list?  That's supposed to be this imaginary, unreachable thing.  Maybe someday I'll share my bucket list story... how it all began... but not thinking that will be anytime soon.  

So this is a glimpse of what this blog will be.  Random trains of thoughts from my brain that make no sense to anyone but my brain.  I'm sure not many will follow, and this will be more of an opportunity for me to vent about some stuff, but if one person reads it - and it can help one person in one way - then it served purpose and was worth my time.  No guarantees that everything will make sense, but hopefully I'll be better about logging my journey on this crazy roller coaster of life.  

I can't stress enough again ... I'm still not sure what I do that is inspirational or how my life is any different from others.  I didn't do anything out of the ordinary.  All I did was make a decision and never look back.  I made the choice to do whatever it takes to get what I want.  Every person has the same equal opportunity to achieve their dreams as I do to achieve mine.  The only thing standing in their way is their own willingness to sacrifice and believe in something, no matter how out of reach it may be.